Almost '07

Creepy Xmas Card
Originally uploaded by Lydia Wynne.

Found on flickr. This card must be really popular. I know it fills me with the holiday spirit. Is it my imagination or does Santa look a little scared? He has certainly looked better.

The holiday season is coming to a close and you know what that means. It is time to start thinking about my performance review at work. Well... that and my list of new year's resolutions. I don't know what dusty drawer I put last year's in, but I wish I could remember. I could probably use it to seed the list.

It will probably go something like:

• Get back to exercising regularly
• Try to finish some things perhaps a teeny bit in advance of their due date
• Be nicer to everyone
• Develop at least one new skill
• Spend more quality time with my family
• Go hiking again this year
• Take at least one good photo each day
• Write something in Engish and something in Chinese every day
• Waste less
• Continue enjoying life

New Years day is obviously a human creation. Why in winter? Why January first? Why 12 months in the first place? But it is also a good chunk of time to reflect upon. What have I done with these past 365 days?

I'll write more when I think about it some, but it has been a good year overall.

More clouds today

water beads
Originally uploaded by Tygh.

Ben died the morning of the 26th at 2:00. It seems strange to me that he is gone. I felt a little cheated since I was supposed to see him yesterday. He never woke up though. Ian wanted to come along and maybe have a chance to say goodbye once more, but that chance never materialized.

I thought of a few of things I wanted to tell him, but I am not sure I would have done a fair job of expressing them anyway. Ben and I never had the relationship he wanted. I am sure that remained true all the way until the end.

words to be spoken
the gift for a dying man
so impermanent

been a while, but I am ready

sharp
Originally uploaded by Tygh.

waiting for the words
they don't have to be perfect
procrastinating

Indeed, it is seemingly easy to sit here and jot down a few notes about life in general. One would suppose that the trick is just to do it. But I would say that the trick for me is to find some nugget of interest in my daily life that I can judge worthy of your time to read. By the time I am sitting here, the ride home has flattened the crests and troughs into a relatively easy to navigate chunk of time called my day. So here it is, my lesson for the week: If you want to write anything, pay more attention.

It occurs to me now that references to the frequency and excitement of blog updates may be one of the most common subjects of discussion out there in cyberspace. In the likely event that I get bored sometime soon, I might try to find out exactly how popular it is.

In other news, I've been on break from teaching for two weeks now. I have to say, the time bonus is nice. I have done some cool family things like decorate cookies and gingerbread houses. In the evening I have done a little Christmas shopping (minimal). In fact, I waited an hour on Saturday to get *out* of a parking garage. That was quite hellish except that I had my smart phone along so I could peek into that ever deepening hole in the universe that is the internet. Don't get me wrong. I think the internet is great. Please read on. Other than that, I have a little more energy for my real job – so boss, if you are reading, that is a good thing.

I am still going over to Ben’s house on Saturdays. He had crazy yellow eyes this time. It was the first I had seen him in bed or looking particularly weak. He is quite thin and seems to be dying mostly of starvation as much as anything. He gave me his walking stick and I have it now in a prominent location here at home. I have committed to taking the stick out occasionally. That was easy to agree to since I like to hike anyway.

Hang in there. I promise I’ll write again sooner or later.